Sorry I abandoned you!

This is me, 6 months out from a RPAO, at a theatre with my family to watch a short film trailer I acted in.
This is a picture of the trailer on the big screen! See the full thing at: http://vimeo.com/9094006. Below, I am on stage, without a cane, and standing in heels (even though you can't see them!).

It is 7 months since my RPAO and 16 months since my LPAO. I am walking freely, and getting much stronger. My muscles are starting to fire when they're supposed to, and my stamina and endurance are getting better every day. Unfortunately, I still have a lot of uncomfortable pain in my lower back and tailbone area, that just does not seem to change, even through two PAOs and two years of physical therapy. I finally took steps to go to a spine doctor, and get an opinion about what may be going on back there. My hip surgeon always said it would go away once my hips were level and my gait normalized. I have been walking without a cane, with a small limp that has almost completely disappeared, for about 6 weeks now. The pain in my tailbone ranges from bad to worse, and never seems to be getting any better. I am so sick of feeling this way, every day, all day. It is physically and psychologically inhibiting my ability to move forward in life, because I don't have enough brain space to handle the immense pain, as well as the biggest question of WHY?????? What is it? Please, somebody help me!

I abandoned this blog, because I got very depressed. My original intention was to document the hardships, but to always look for the positive side of this experience as well. Because of the tumultuous nature of my recovery, and the numerous setbacks I had, I got pretty bummed out. My life has changed so very much from what it was two years ago, and now I am starting again from scratch. The world looks different through these new eyes and experiences I have had, and I don't have the same wild abandon and passion for living that I once had. I think about planning for the future, and food stamps, and about how I will keep my insurance through the unknown journey ahead of me.

I don't mean to discourage anyone from this procedure, as I believed it has helped me more than it has harmed me. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into, and now I just hope I don't have to live in pain until I can get a THR in 30 years. If anyone finds this blog, and needs a community for anything hip related, please, please PLEASE join Hip Chicks online community. It is an interactive community like FB, but strictly for hipsters: http://hipchicksunite.ning.com/

Join us!